What do you do when your ex comes to you with his current relationship problems? Bite your tongue and play the sympathetic ear.
Bear with me, y’all. This one might be long and incoherent.
I’ve always been one of those people who stays on friendly terms with their former relationships. People change over a course of time, meet new people they’re more compatible with, relationships end. I get that. I don’t feel like that’s a good reason to cast someone you obviously cared for out of your life. That being said, having exes as friends brings up the sometimes uncomfortable subject of their current relationships. And it’s not that I’m not happy for my former dudes to be in blissful duos, I just don’t necessarily know how to handle myself when they talk about them. And even that’s not entirely true. I’m okay with it for the most part, it’s just lately, given my poor attitude towards relationships and love (i know, sappy gag, get over it) in general, I have an underlying desire to just applaud whenever some guy who left me in tears ends up struggling with the girl who replaced me. And I hate that feeling. That vindictive bitchiness is not me. I would never think to breath a word of those ill wishes to any of the parties involved, but the fact that the thoughts even enter my mind disgust me. I hate being able to say “I told you so” in that sort of situation.
Which brings me to my next point. I have a tendency to be repetitive in my dating cycles. More than once I’ve dated a dude, we broke up, had relationships with other people and then ended up back together months (sometimes years) later. This sort of thing can’t possibly be healthy for me. I know that these guys put me aside for another girl or because they were bored with me or whatever other reason, but yet, thanks to the friendship thing, I’m there whenever they’re rebounding from their recently failed relationships. Granted i don’t do this with EVERY guy I go out with, just the select few who really broke my heart and I can never seem to stay away from. I know mentally this is not a sane thing to do. I know it and yet I have no intention of stopping, mainly because I think, subconsciously, I have come to the conclusion I will never be able to meet someone new. Which makes more and more sense the more I think about it. I’m terribly shy and self-conscious. There’s no way I’m going to draw the attention of some random passer-by and have him fawn after me. Life just doesn’t work like that. And frankly, rural southwest Mississippi just doesn’t have an abundance of the kind of funny, charming nerdy guys I’m drawn to, and on a similar note, the few that are here are much more interested in the conventionally attractive girl. You know the kind, tall, usually blonde, wears way too much eye liner…
I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep that has me feeling like this or the recent events of the past few months, but whichever it is, there needs to be some life changes coming up and not just ones that reflect on my physical self.